A complete guide to choosing lube

What is sexual lubricant?

Lube helps things glide during sex and deals with vaginal dryness. It is also used with sex toys to avoid discomfort.

But you do not need a practical problem to enjoy it. A well-chosen lubricant can bring new sensations to sex even when everything already feels comfortable and you think you have plenty of natural lubrication. Give it a try: you may be pleasantly surprised. Some formulas also come with special effects, and some are even edible. All the more reason to experiment.

How to apply it

Apply lube to the points of contact, whether that is a condom, bare skin or a mucous membrane. Where it goes depends on what you are doing.

Types of lube

There are several ways to group lubricants.

By ingredients: water-based, silicone-based and oil-based

Water-based lube works with condoms. For toys, choose according to the material. When you are starting out, a water-based formula is the easiest all-round option. Fewer complications are always welcome, right?

Remember that silicone toys do not get on with oil-based or silicone-based lube. But toys can also be made from glass, metal and all sorts of other materials, which leaves more room to experiment.

Petroleum jelly is not a lubricant. It damages latex and can irritate the skin. There are more suitable modern products to choose from.

Water-based lube

Water makes up most of these formulas, giving them a light gel or jelly texture. Their composition and texture are close to natural genital lubrication.

Water-based lube can be used for any sexual activity, with any device and with condoms made from any material. It is light, rinses away with water without soap or scrubbing, does not damage latex or silicone toys, and washes out of sheets easily.

Silicone-based lube

Silicones are the main ingredient. The lube forms a film on the skin rather than rubbing off, absorbing or evaporating. Its texture is thick, rich and coating.

Condom and lubricant retailers, along with sex bloggers, warn that silicone-based lube can damage silicone toys.

Silicone-based lubricants are compatible with latex, polyurethane and polyisoprene condoms.

Silicone does not dissolve in water or break down on its own. Removing it from your skin or laundry takes a little effort, and it can leave stains on fabric. Use soap, water and a washcloth, or a specialist cleaner. If you cannot shower, wet wipes are an option.

To remove silicone lube from bedding or clothes:

1. Apply a stain remover, leave it for about 10 minutes, then wash the fabric.
2. Try a sex toy cleaner. This type of cleaning fluid works well on stains on white sheets.

Oil-based lube

Oil-based formulas are usually made from refined plant oils, such as coconut, almond, shea or olive oil. They stay slippery without drying out, like silicone formulas, while being more environmentally friendly and pleasant on the skin, like water-based ones. They can be comfortable for shower sex, anal sex and massage.

Oil-based lube damages latex condoms and is not recommended with polyisoprene condoms either. Pair it only with polyurethane condoms. Natural oil-based lube can be used with toys made from any good-quality material other than latex, including silicone. Soap helps remove oil from toys; plain water will struggle.

Hybrid lube

Hybrid formulas combine water with silicone or oil. The oil may be natural, mineral or even petroleum jelly. They last on the skin, go a long way and wash off easily. Read the label carefully: a hybrid containing any oil or fat is unsuitable for latex. Petroleum jelly can also damage toys.

Hybrids are comfortable for any sexual activity. Water-and-oil blends are often labelled for fisting and sold as creams in tubs.

Choosing lube for different activities

Vaginal sex

This is straightforward: a water-based formula works for vaginal sex. It is the most versatile option and is compatible with all types of condoms and toys.

Anal sex

The same formula does not always suit both vaginal and anal sex. It depends on the condoms and the particular brand. If a product is suitable for both, the manufacturer will say so on the packaging. Do not take it for granted.

Be cautious with special effects during anal sex. They may mask pain, leaving you to deal with the consequences later.

As a general rule, anal lube should be a little thicker than your usual formula and should not dry out quickly.

If you use a condom on an anal toy, first check that the condom is suitable for anal sex. The packaging will state this.

Creams made for anal sex are another option. This means a specialist intimate product, not an ordinary baby cream. There is no universal rule about whether these creams work with condoms and toys: read the individual manufacturer's instructions.

Oral sex

Oral lube is not essential, but it can make things easier. Less friction means less tiring work. Flavoured formulas can also make the experience more playful and give the person doing the work a little extra enthusiasm.

Lubes that are unsuitable for oral sex taste unpleasant, sour or bitter, or are unsafe to swallow. Silicone formulas, for example, glide beautifully but should not go in your mouth. They leave a film that is hard to wash away. The sensation is rather like taking a mouthful of thick, bitter vegetable oil straight from the bottle.

For oral sex, use only water-based or natural oil-based formulas. Always check the packaging for “safe to swallow” or “suitable for oral sex.”

A tip: look beyond the obvious flavours, such as chocolate, cherry and strawberry. These often taste the most artificial and sickly sweet, especially strawberry. One bad experience can put you off edible lube for good.

Texture and special effects

Warming, cooling, arousing or designed to delay ejaculation: choose what appeals to you. Remember the safety guidance, including no special effects during anal sex, and make sure your partner wants to experience the new sensations too.

Lube can be thick or runny. Sex shops often have testers: put a drop on your finger, rub it and find out which texture you prefer. A formula that is too thick sits there like jelly; one that is too thin runs off and finds its way into awkward creases. Neither feels particularly pleasant.

Things to remember

1. Intimate lube helps prevent chafing and makes sensitive areas glide more smoothly during sex.
2. Saliva, petroleum jelly, cream and cooking oil are not lube. Choose a product made for sex rather than something from the kitchen.
3. Having little natural lubrication is normal and happens sometimes. Use lube for sex and masturbation.
4. Water- and silicone-based formulas work with latex, polyisoprene and polyurethane condoms. Oil-based formulas work only with polyurethane. For hybrids, check the packaging.
5. Water-based lube can cause vaginal dryness, while flavours, fragrances and special effects can trigger allergies. If you are worried, choose an additive-free formula that is not water-based.
6. Try a small amount of a new lubricant first to find out whether it suits you.